Monday, July 14, 2008

Altaira: The Tale of Vander. Part one.

This is something I came up with a a few months ago. Originaly this was a chapter for a book I was writing. I decided that I couldn't pull off the whole author thing. But I did spend a fair bit of time writing it, so I want to share it with all of you. So far I have finished the prolougue, and chapter one. It is pretty badly writen, which I will be working on. My main problem with it, is that it does skip view points, from time to time. I'm hoping to edit that. I'm giving you the prolougue now, and next monday, you will get chapter 1. Tell me what you think.

Nathaniel.


Prologue


IN THE BEGINNING there was a great explosion releasing massive amounts of energy, more than any amount ever seen at once. From the energy the four original gods, Heatero, Graviator, Magnium and Mechanos came to be. They used their great power to forge their land of Altaira. Later they used their power to make their daughters and goddesses. They then created with a mixture of water earth fire and air and their divine energy to create all beasts and to create us humans.

But then some humans tried to steal the power of all energy from the Gods themselves. The Magi. They use power stolen from the Gods for their own selfish needs. That is why the church and government use the coliseums to keep their demonic abilities under our watchful eye. To keep the good safe and magic holy.

The old preacher finished his traditional Genesis Day sermon. Everyone began to rise, and 14 year old Vander began to rise tiredly from his seat where he was half asleep. He was never a fan of religion or the preacher. What did he have against Magi, and that bit about how well the Church and government was looking after them? Oh well, was he really the one to be judging. He was probably the weirdest person he knew. His father had died when he was an infant and without a home his mother took him to live with his grandparents in the town of Pyre. That is all his grandfather was ever willing to tell him. Currently in the household was only his grandfather, himself and their horse Bree. His grandmother died when he had been 7. That really helped his childhood development.

Vander was an average sized boy with strawberry blond hair, almost red eyes and tan skin. There was nothing very particular about him, and didn’t really have any talents or hobbies. His point to him was just to exist. But ever since he could remember he had always been meant to do something. Not something simple like a shop boy, but something great. On first glance anyone would have thought “Yeah right.” But you know sometimes when you listen to that little voice you can do great things. And you know what his was right.

12 comments:

Leah said...

Sounds interesting... keep writing!

Leah said...

Okay, I know I just commented a few seconds ago, but I was wondering; is this story and the one on ASN about the same thing? Because they're both titles Altaria.

Nathaniel said...

Wrong. This is different. And for my buddy john, who co owns that rp, I came up with this way before. Also, this is pronounced Altyra. So it is completely different. You are encouraged to join that rp though.

Leah said...

See, I was planning on joining it... but then I realized that the things that go on in the RP, well, I don't know much about them. I know nothing of boats. I would pretty useless to have in that RP.

Nathaniel said...

It's sky pirates. You don't need to know anything about boats, it's all airships. I know next to nothing about boats. Just think pirates, but in a zepplin like thing.

Leah said...

I'm still confused. I know about pirates and all, but *airships* are something else I don't know about. And, suckily, my parents are starting to monitor my computer time, meaning I can't be on as much, which sucks, because I'm internet addicted... and this means I'll have to be social with my actual friends, outside of the internet... *sigh*

Yeah...

Nathaniel said...

Have you ever read (I would prefer read, because the movie wasn't nearly as good.) or seen Stardust. You know the sky pirates there. Think, less wooden, more scientific, and all around cooler. I really didn't like the movie. They destroyed the awsomeness of the captain. Yeah. You would probably like it. Wait you read JMH corner's Skyflight story, right? If you do, then it is very simalar.

Leah said...

I have neither read, nor heard of that book/movie. I would read the book, because movies just make everything suck! And no, I have not read (or heard of Skyflight), so I still wouldn't really know.

Anonymous said...

I only read the first sentence of teh prologue and you can imagine my disapproval. "In the beggining" sounds like imitation of Genesis 1:1, and the whole explosion thing sounds like the big bang. I'm sorry, but to me, those two things just don't mix.

bible + big bang = water + vinaigre = incompatible!

-Katherine

Anonymous said...

Okay, reading second paragraph...my disapproval grows. Sounds like Golden Compass by Phillip Pullman, and you know my feelings towards those books-not good ones!

-Katherine

Nathaniel said...

I like to call this my own religion. It is one of the fun parts of creating a story. It was taken from Genisis. It was made to include the big bang. I am glad to have someone who does not like this work of fiction. I liked the line 'In the begining.' It is a complement to the Bible. I am just creating my own world. It does not include the belief of God, because it is a completely different place.

Dibsy said...

Hmmm. Interesting. Should I critique or not? Whatever, it's the prologue so I will:
Good, a bit jumpy, but pretty good. ^^